Monkeys

Mba'etekopiko che angiru kuera?

Life in Paraguay is going. These days I am as healthy as I have been since coming here. That means no strange insects living in my feet or hands, no scabies, no intestinal parasites or giardia... as far as I know. Really though, we all live with a low level of giardia down here, sometimes it decides to act up and sometimes we get a break.

I am staying pretty busy working in my two schools. I wish I could be doing more and lately there has been this nagging thought in the back of my head that soon I will be running out of time. Despite the long list of activities, presentations, and assorted projects for my last 3-month review, I feel like I should somehow be doing more. Part of my percieved slowness is totally in my head, another part is due to the very relaxed cultural attitude toward work, and the final part is the monkey on my back.

No, I'm not referring to alcoholism or a weakness for beanie babies. The monkey on my back consists of the personal baggage that I brought to South America, and which I continue to add to and subtract from. In Peace Corps, life tends to be magnified. Little faults that I have delt with or ignored in the past become demons that I battle daily in my head. Home in the US, it is easy to live with and accept our little personal flaws. Ignoring a problem is as easy as flipping on the TV or going to the movies or jumping on the internet. That is not the case here. With a relatively short time frame of only two years in which to make an impact in a place I may never return to yet nevertheless has accepted me as an adopted son, I cannot afford to take things too lightly.

Life here is bittersweet. We build up amazing memories and accomplish so many miraculous feats, but when we return to the US who will care? This 2 year experience sometimes feels so untreal when I put it in the context on my life as a whole. It almost feels like a game sometimes, and other times it seems like nothing in the future will really matter like this does.

Adios...